How to Ask Your Child about Inappropriate Touching? 2024

The very thought of your child being inappropriately touched by an adult or trusted person is mortifying. It can be difficult to even conceptualize discussing these very uncomfortable topics. Many questions may come to mind, including when it is age-appropriate to do so and how to ask your child about inappropriate touching.

While you may be filled with questions, understanding the importance of these conversations can empower you to create the necessary space to support your child through this traumatic experience.

Asking Your Child About Inappropriate Touching

Before the age of 18, it is estimated that one in six boys and one in four girls. However, not many children open up about the experience. Providing a safe space for your child to speak up starts by setting aside a time and place that is free from distractions. You should stay as calm and collected as possible. Children may stop talking if they feel they are upsetting their parents and commonly give answers they think their parents want to hear rather than the truth.

Be direct and choose open-ended, neutral questions such as:

• Is someone touching you?
• Is there anything bothering you?
• Has anyone done anything that confuses or worries you?

Let them talk freely, and do not interrupt them. If they pause, follow up on things they said that concern you. You may need to be patient with them as this conversation will most likely be scary to them, particularly if the alleged perpetrator is manipulating them.

You should always believe your child, even if they are known to have an extraordinary imagination. Children rarely make false allegations of sexual abuse. If they think you do not believe them, they may be discouraged from discussing what is happening to them.

Begin the Conversation When They are Young

Starting the conversation about inappropriate touching and molestation early in their development will equip your child with the understanding of what touch is acceptable or not and empower them to speak up if their boundaries are violated. Your approach will be different through each stage of their young lives:

• Preschool. Start as early as age three, but use simple, clear language to explain that their body belongs to them. Frame the conversation around safety rather than abuse because children are better able to grasp the meaning of safety and protection. Teach them the correct names for body parts and explain that some of their body parts are private. Emphasize that they are allowed to say “no” to unwanted touches, either appropriate or inappropriate.
• Early elementary. Beginning around six years of age, continue to build on the concepts of body autonomy and boundaries. Think about role-playing different scenarios to help them understand what to do if someone crosses their boundaries. Make sure they know who they can go to if they feel unsafe or confused about any situation.
• Pre-Adolescence. As they reach the age of 9, provide more detailed explanations about consent and the importance of respecting other people’s boundaries as well.
• Adolescence. From the age of 13 on, this is the time to start discussing more complex issues, including peer pressure, dating, and sexual consent. Maintain open communication with your child and encourage them to feel comfortable asking you or their other parent questions or sharing concerns.

Establishing trust and open lines of judgment-free communication with your child will make it easier to have these ongoing conversations. When children feel safe and valued during their interactions with their parents, they are more likely to come with you with their concerns or experiences.

FAQs

At What Age Should I Start Talking to My Child About Inappropriate Touching?

It is important to start talking to your child about inappropriate touching when they reach preschool age. At this age, you should use simple and clear language, and as they grow, the conversation will too. They should know that their body belongs to them and understand the difference between safe and unsafe touches. Beginning these conversations early builds a foundation of trust and safety for your child.

What Should I Do If My Child Says Someone Touched Them Inappropriately?

If your child tells you that someone touched them inappropriately, you need to stay calm and composed. Let them explain what happened and reassure them that they did the right thing by telling you. Write down everything your child says to you and contact authorities. You should consider speaking with an experienced lawyer who can advise you on what legal options are available.

What Are Some Signs My Child May Be Experiencing Inappropriate Touching?

Children won’t always express their feelings directly, so understanding some common behavioral or emotional indicators to watch out for could raise some red flags, such as avoiding certain people or places, unexplained fear or anxiety, regressive behaviors like bedwetting or thumb-sucking, increased aggression, complaints of physical pain, reluctance to be alone, and unusual knowledge, especially about sex or showing sexual behaviors.

What Is the Statute of Limitations for Child Sexual Abuse Cases in California?

The statute of limitations in California for child sexual abuse cases was eliminated in early 2024, but the law is not retroactive. Survivors of child sexual assaults that happened before January 1, 2024, have until they are 40 years of age to file a lawsuit. The decision to remove the statute of limitations is because many children suppress traumatic memories and may not recognize what happened until they are adults.

How Can I Make the Conversation More Comfortable for My Child?

To make the conversation as comfortable as possible, create a safe and non-judgmental environment. Ensure your child knows they can talk to you about anything and that you and the other parent are there to listen and help. Encourage open communication with your child and let them know they will always be believed and supported.

California Child Sexual Abuse Lawyer

If you suspect your child may be experiencing abuse, don’t wait to seek justice. At DeMarco Law Firm, our dedicated child sexual abuse attorneys are here to support you, safeguard your rights, and pursue justice on behalf of your family. Contact us today.